The Twelve Guidelines for Safe Sharing at Phone Meetings

The 12 Guidelines for Safe Sharing have been developed to keep our phone line a safe place for childhood sexual abuse survivors. Please follow the Guidelines during meetings, and in your communications with fellow Survivors outside the phone line.
  These guidelines grow directly out of Traditions One and Two. Their purpose is to provide survivors with a framework for communicating in healthy, functional ways that are considerate of themselves and other survivors. Why? Simply stated, growing up we were not taught healthy ways of dealing with or communicating about our pain and conflict. When triggered it is easy to forget about mutually affirming communication transactions.
  The Guidelines central purpose is to educate, not chastise. Although there are consequences if safety guidelines are not followed repeatedly, please don't worry about not remembering a guideline. If you accidently cross a guideline because you're new, triggered or dissociated, the moderator will gently reread the guideline after your share is finished.

Guideline 1: No Perpetrators
Perpetrators are not allowed at SIA meetings. We are here to heal from the wounds of sexual abuse by sharing our experience, strength and hope. We may talk about the incest, its effects, our memories, our feelings, our problems, our recovery, our dreams or any other experience, but not on current or past adult perpetrating behaviors including sexual objectification, in practice or fantasy, for personal pleasure.

Guideline 2: Identifying
We keep the focus on our own recovery and take our own inventory, not other survivors'. It's okay to identify with what another has said and share our personal experience about the same topic, but we do not name that person while we say that we are identifying.

Guideline 3: 'I' Statements
We talk in 'I' statements. However, if you're multiple or referring to you and your inner kids, feel free to share using the "We" voice, but please let the group know that your "We" applies to you and not everyone else.

Guideline 4: Non-SIA Literature and Triggering Language
We care for fellow Survivors by trying to remember to announce a "Trigger warning" when we are going to share highly graphic abuse memories, use four-lettered language, or quote non-SIA literature. When we quote non-SIA literature, we relate it to our recovery from childhood mental, emotional, physical and sexual trauma. When giving a trigger warning, please state the reason.

Guideline 5: Intense Emotions
We may safely express intense emotions - anyone may sob freely without interference, express anger, terror, shame or any other feeling through words, without risk of being asked to leave.

Guideline 6: No Discrimination
We do not express anger or criticism towards a group of people based on gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, affiliation or disability. It is okay to share that we feel triggered by a group because they remind us of our abusers, but anger needs to be directed at the perpetrator specifically, not general groups.

Guideline 7: Communication Boundaries
We respect and honor our fellow Survivors by refraining from name calling, criticizing, gossip, talking about conflicts we may be having with other members of the line or violating communication boundaries when sharing at meetings. Likewise, we place other Survivors' needs on equal footing with our own in the context of the meeting.

Guideline 8: Anonymity
We don't break anonymity about what was shared in the meeting outside of the meeting, or vice versa.

Guideline 9: No Cross Talk
We don't cross talk, which includes:
 ● No interrupting while others speak
 ● No commenting on what others have said when it is our turn to share
 ● No giving advice or attempting to comfort others
Note: Using another person's name when thanking them for their share is not considered cross talk.

Guideline 10: Triggers
We attend meetings with the awareness that we may be triggered. We avoid turning the present into the past. Other Survivors' words, vocal tones, and responses may make us feel that we are dealing with perpetrators. Therefore, we caution Survivors not to treat other Survivors as if they are abusers. If someone on the line is triggering, we learn to deal with the evoked emotions responsibly by stepping away from our phones when needed, setting boundaries with anyone who triggers us, taking evoked feelings back to the original abuse experiences, comforting our inner children, and refraining from acting upon the desire to gossip that may arise due to being triggered by a fellow survivor.

Guideline 11: Muting
We respect the safety of the meeting and honor the sharing of other survivors by keeping our phones muted at all times when not sharing. To mute and unmute press *1.

Guideline 12: No 13th Stepping
We maintain safety in and out of meetings by refraining from 13th stepping, or using the meeting contact list to ask someone for a romantic date.

What to do if Guidelines for Safe Sharing are Not Followed
We strive for meeting safety with our Guidelines, yet practice grace by providing a protocol for Guideline infractions. When a Guideline has been accidentally crossed or forgotten about, the moderator will come in after the share is completed and gently remind everyone of the guideline by rereading it. Please know this is not being done to shame any individual. Rather, the guideline is being reread to help everyone learn about how to communicate safely with other survivors.
  If the moderator is unable to reread the guideline, any member may gently request that the moderator do so.
  We recognize that there may be situations not covered by these Guidelines. When situations occur that repeatedly create a lack of safety on the line, or when a member continues to cross existing guidelines repeatedly, the matter will be referred to the CHP Intergroup and it's Safety Committee for further consideration, and the person creating disruptions may be asked to leave the line until such a time as the individual is able to own their behavior and agree not to engage in this behavior again at CHP meetings.
  Lastly, a gentle reminder: as survivors we may walk into this meeting feeling dissociated, triggered, emotionally raw, vulnerable, devastated, and confused. When enforcing these guidelines, we need to be gentle with each other and ourselves.